Anxiety Produces Nothing Good

So, it finally happened. It started with a tickle in the back of my throat, and a few cough clearings, and then that sharp pain that signals that you are in for a cold, whether you like it or not. It started on Friday, and I reconsidered plans for a bike ride on Saturday, but when I woke up on Saturday morning, I really wanted to ride, and the throat didn't seem that bad.

I biked up to the Vienna Metro, about 1o miles, to meet Tom at 8 a.m. We put my bike on the back of his car and drove out to Culpepper, about an hour drive, towards the Shenandoahs on 66 and 15. It was raining pretty hard as we were heading west, and Tom was getting more morose as the minutes ticked by. But I predicted improving weather, and indeed, although we started out in the rain at around 9:30, by the time we rolled back into the Culpepper County HS parking lot at 3:30, it was nearing 90 degrees and sunny. It was a beautiful 60 mile ride through hollows and up and down rolling lanes, in the shadow of Old Rag (a popular hiking mountain).

I felt pretty good throughout the ride, but on the way home, knew I just wanted to crash. And that's what I did when I got home. Got in bed and napped. Was happy I had no plans for this weekend.

But I did have plans! This was the weekend to pack!! And lying there on my bed, surrounded by mounds of clothes, piles of books, file folders of papers and sundry other things that I had pulled out to make visible in preparation for decision-making and either throwing away or packing away, I became depressed. I got up at one point and just shouted swear words at ALL MY STUFF! It's only been four years, but you'd think I'd lived here for forty. I tend to think of myself as someone who doesn't spend money on stuff, but clearly, someone does (I have a very giving family...).

But to be fair, the things I have around me are the things I've had around me for my life, generally, now over 40 years (plus), and many of them are things I want to have here. But as I pack, I realize that there are plenty of things I don't really need. A difficult but important realization!

I've been giving things away, throwing things away. It's a process for me. I like to be organized. But at some point soon, the organization will give way to expediency, and the rest of the stuff will be forced into boxes and hurriedly labeled and taped and thrown into the storage unit--no time to be dainty about it.

OK, time for bed. Need to get better soon. Too much stuff to do!